As I was throwing away a paper towel in the bathroom at school today, I peered into the trash can to see the unmistakable shade of brown that dominates the academician’s uniform: khaki. Someone’s dockers had been defecated in. And they were in the trash. What I didn’t see though (knock on wood) is a tenured faculty member stealthily roaming the halls with no trousers on. I just want to know, why the bathroom? There are better places to disgard soiled clothing. Like your home. Sure it’ll be a hell of a bus ride for everyone sitting in a 10 foot radius around you, and you have to sit in your own excrement for the duration, but at least you won’t have to stalk the halls of higher education pantsless and humiliated.